brine

red light ticking
needle over
the e
passed the last
you
station a
long time ago
& honey
it's dark
i can't see
the hand in front
of my face where
did this fog come
from
confidence! like
vitamins! right?
if i swallowed five
handfuls what would
it matter it might
send me into the
arms of x girl(don't
like her never did)
but that's not you
you know? what i'm saying
has more to do with
a metabolism that hungered
for you that was fueled by
you & had a firewood-like
quality that burned
in my poems i shoveled
you into a furnace &
out popped another verse
but something about
that night in your room
i saw you lying in your
bed with a stuffed(how
strange)rabbit and i sat
at your feet feeling
enormous feeling
like any move i
made would have
broken something
in your small room
i was out of
place and wanting very much
not to be
in that moment of terrible
size i wrote something
down
you never looked at me!
the way i knew you looked
at him(insidious pronoun,
selfish me?)you named
a stuffed dog after me
& i cringed when you
held it because i do
not generally like
being jealous of
toys.
21-in-
love finds
conspiracies
in every
word your
turning-around-
to-me look
was my favorite
structure was thrown
out the window weeks
ago i'm just the last
one at the bar closing
time
breaking change
breaking bottles
breaking lines
where
ver i
dam
n wel
l plea
se
relentless is a word i liked
but i never really was relent
less was i if i was would
things be different no
i know
that this
is really
my life
and i
have
erred
i hated your sunglasses they
took up half your face &(tin
ted & sinister)robbed me of
my favorite view
how snarky
how trite
say what you mean &
get off the page
is a law i try to follow
but so help me
everything i've
said i've meant
i don't think
i've lied
to you
before
have i?
letting go hurts(can
dor!)pushing away
the one thing(you)
you want and well
aware that a poem
will be written
twenty-nine years
from now by
a washed
up old
hack
wishing
his orchestra had been in tune
for you
is a legitimate fear
but i have to get moving
kid
this town is too small
for this giant
fool i know
there is
some classy
dame
out there
that needs some poems
written to her
your plate is over-
full
didn't suit your
palette
or otherwise
you had already eaten
it is
time
to go
how
many
times
do i have to say good-
bye before i up &
leave
just look at you
that glow
of light
in dark
clouds all that
water &
not a drop
to drink.